So, I went out of town and my dogs got in a fight and now Daisy has a surgically repaired lower eyelid and Chloe… well, Chloe happened to get bit right on a fatty tumor she’s been cultivating, so she’s currently at the vet recovering from having the whole thing removed, since, hey, there was a big gash there anyway, might as well make it a little bigger and take this baby out!
All while Moose obliviously looks around grinning and going “What? What’s going on? What’d I miss?”
Seriously, does it never end? It’s not like today was such a GREAT day to start with. It SO wasn’t. Not even close. Ugh to the extreme.
All of which led to a discussion with my friend CA about numbness.
Personally, I’m a fan. Of emotional numbness, I mean, not numbness of the extremities. That I don’t enjoy even a little. But emotional numbness serves a vital purpose in my life. It’s far better than loneliness, for example, which is crippling and unpleasant. It’s miles above fury, which makes my neck get all shakey, and everyone knows that’s just not attractive. It beats the hell out of regret. And sadness. And disappointment, and all the other emotions that make me want to eat bad things and not answer the phone and curl up on the couch for marathon sessions of Masterpiece Mystery. (Oh, Poirot, how I love thee...)
Numbness, on the other hand, is the equivalent of being a functioning alcoholic. Are you miserable (drunk)? Sure! But that doesn’t mean you can’t get out of bed and give the dogs their pills (8 at last count, not including two varieties of drops and an ointment) and shower and put on make-up and go to work and actually do work and talk to other humans and maybe manage a couple of laughs and eat healthy and exercise and do all the things that non-miserable people do on a daily basis.
And eventually the numbness fades and the goodness comes back. For the most part. There are some things I’m just long-term numb about. Singledom. My mom’s Alzheimer’s. Not that being perpetually single is the equivalent of a disease that attacks your brain cells. But, as much as I’m trying to see the bright side of my solitude lately… well, I’m doing my best. Some things just are what they are. And numbness makes those things bearable.
What does numbness help you get through? And just to be clear, I’m not talking about depression, which is a totally different thing and should be treated very seriously. If you’re depressed, get thee to a doctor-y! Make haste! (I'm being glib, but I mean it. If you're depressed, get your ass to a shrink.) But if you just need to muddle through something, does numbness come in handy for you?
P.S. Tomorrow I promise to be happier.