I just spent three solid hours writing a staggeringly self-pitying post about being single. And now that I’ve worked myself into a tizzy and cried my mascara off, I must admit I feel… slightly better.
Said self-pitying post centered on my friend WB’s bridal shower, which was this afternoon. Seven married and soon-to-be married women brunching under umbrellas around the roof-pool of an L.A. apartment building, happily sharing relationship/wedding dress shopping/wedding stories. And me. SO. FUN.
It actually was a lovely shower. And I had a very nice time.
It’s just not easy.
And today was the second my-life-sucks moment I’ve had this week. The first one was Tuesday, when a guy I know asked if I was dating anyone. Uh, no. And then he asked if I was “open to dating.” (Now, lest you think he was asking because he was interested in dating me himself, I assure you he wasn’t. He’s dating someone, and has no interest in me.) I was so thrown by the question that WP had to answer for me. (She said yes.)
Now, on the one hand, it was nice to be acknowledged as a normal human being who might possibly date. It’s been awhile. On the other hand, it made me realize that WP’s wrong.
I’m not open to dating. I just don’t see the point.
If I had been asked that question at any time during the last, say, DECADE, the answer would have been yes-- but no one was asking. That’s not exactly true. Two friends did set me up once. In ten years. Clearly my friends don’t think very highly of me. (There’s that self-pity popping out!) And a few months ago, my cousin tried to set me up, but the guy never got in touch.
Here’s the thing: dating, lately, has been grueling, unpleasant, time-consuming, and depressing. It accomplishes one thing: making me feel lonelier and shittier about myself. Sure, it sounds like a good idea, but in practice? Not so much. In practice, it's just one of those things that promises a lot and delivers nothing.
Well, enough already.
I’m taking myself out of the dating pool I was barely in to begin with.
This is me, drying off. And throwing in the towel.
What do you do because you feel like you should, even if it's not the best thing for you?