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Wow, you said it all. Sears is definitely a huge idiot!!!

Wow. You've said it all so thoroughly and well.

I feel sorry for that woman. I would bet on a very deep level she yearns to be a mother but because she's divorced, feels that option is closed to her. So she resents the freedom and license she sees other women giving themselves. That she refers to "your emotional loss" is what really makes me think this. I think instead--*her* emotional loss (she wants a child. And tells herself she can't have one. And resents those who say they can.)

Or maybe not. Maybe she's got 5 kids and just doesn't want anyone else to have the joy she has.

Another thing....being a former judge, she knows that she should be providing proof for her claims. But she didn't. Where is the research and data to support these claims and ridiculous statements that she's trying to pass as proven statistics?

She needs to keep her opinions to herself. Substantiate them with fact and not generalizations, and maybe someone will care.

Yes, all the screwed-up children I've met through life and teaching all come from single-mom families. That must be the problem.

I like the response. And I think the judge is simply pro-marriage and has seen one too many single-parent run household that's a disaster. And though I'm trying as hard as I can to be a single mom and don't agree with her claims, I also think they reflect the values of mainstream America. I'm personally glad I live in a country where people can express differing opinions and co-exist. Her opinion helps me understand the things some people might be thinking but don't have the guts to say to my face.

SF - I really hope you send this piece to Judge Ward Sears ...at least send her the link. She needs to have an opportunity to read you're incredibly well-argued rebuttal to her stupidity.


Very well-written and passionate response. It seems to me to be a clear case of people confusing correlation with causation. Yes, lots of kids with problems tend to be from "broken" families, but that doesn't mean that the divorce or single motherhood caused the problems. Rather it should show us that a lot of the same issues cause both divorce and troubled children, and we should be addressing those (like poverty and inadequate education).

Sad that this basic lesson from my intro psych classes 10 years ago ("correlation does not imply causation") still hasn't been learned by so many people in our society, especially those with power and a public voice. Thank goodness for those like you who speak out against this bias!

VERY well written - thank you!

great response.. thank you for speaking up to her. as an only daughter to a single mother who loved me more than words can say, i turned out quite well (if i do say so myself).

Wonderfully written post. You keep a level head while demonstrating the intense, personal passion you have for this topic - not easy. Thank you for speaking up.

I thought your response was good until I read the part about Barack Obama. Barack Obama was NOT raised by a single mom. His parents divorced in 1964 and his mother re-married in 1967. A divorced woman, remarried after 3 years to me is not a single mother. Subsequently she divorced in 1980, and at some point she sent Barack to live with her parents because she wanted him to be educated in the USA, but Barack always was close to his step-father. The fact that his father walked away and was a deadbeat father doesn't make her a single mother. In all case Barack is the product of a divorce -- a double divorce in fact -- which makes your response contradictory regarding:
“If you choose to have children with the man you are married to......you’ll be inflicting emotional torture on your children....”
and that is because Barack turned out just fine even after having to go through two divorces.
That part makes your answer non-credible to anybody that has taken the time to read about Obama's life.

No time to fact-check on Obama, but if it makes you feel better, just replace the name "Barack Obama" with Bill Clinton. Credibility restored!

Fantastic post.

*Penny stands and applauds*

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    What is Starfish Envy??

    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
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