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12/09/2009

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I have to agree with you Sarah. Sometimes it's MUCH easier to do something yourself. I think it all goes back to that one saying "If you want something done right you have to do it yourself".

I would much rather be tired from "doing" than stressing. lol Did that make sense?


I have found that spending a few minutes understanding the source of the stress, when contemplating asking for help, is useful. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable asking for help because I feel I'm imposing, or that I fear the helpee might think I'm less than capable. In that case, I try to push through the stress and ask anyway, because I'm working on being more comfortable with vulnerability and feeling connected to others. If, however, it's because the request is complicated to explain, or the specific outcome really matters to me, then I'm inclined to just do it myself. I like Chris's point: better to be tired from "doing" than stressing.

Hey, don't forget my favorite show "Lie to Me". I love, love, love it! You and your "support team" are doing a great job on that one.

I love love love Glee! I can't tell you how happy I was to see that you are a fan and blogged about it today. I'm sad we have to wait until the spring for new episodes.

As for asking for help, I don't mind asking for help, but I've had to learn to better communicate about what I need. It is really frustrating to ask for help and then get something back that is totally not what I wanted, or needed. The result is a friend, or family member, who feels that their help is insufficient.

I also think it's good to recognize that not everything needs to be "perfect". That is one of Gretchen Rubin's tips, "don't let perfection be the enemy of the good." Sometimes I ask for help and a friend, co worker, family member will complete the task but they didn't complete it the way I would have. I am getting better at realizing that their way is just as good, if not better, than mine, even though it is a different approach to mine.

Chris--Yes! Made perfect sense.

Jen-- You're right. It's really about specificity of outcome. If you need something very particular, or something done in a particular way, it's best to do it yourself. If you just need the dry cleaning picked up? Well, anyone can do that! (Hopefully.)

Thanks, Karen!

Amy-- Excellent point. Most things can be accomplished just fine, or better, in a variety of ways. This is a lesson I've learned having a writing partner, in fact. I'm often happily amazed at how WP approaches a scene, even though we discuss every story in great detail before we write.

If you look back on your calendar, you will see that I am the Jen from your 10/21 lunch. I checked out your blog before that, because that's what you do, read blogs of people with whom you're about to lunch. Now it's been two months since our (delicious, so pleasant, comfortable, comforting) lunch, and I'm still reading. Addicted, I tell you. I have wanted to make comments many times, but didn't want to be a sycophant. You know.

But I have a ridiculous passion for Glee (I believe we're supposed to call ourselves "gleeks," by the way). The moments of sincerity KILL me. It brings me to tears nearly every episode... and so do your blogs. Not because they're sad, but because they're real. I enjoy them so very much. I relate, even from the other side of motherhood and marriage.

I would write more, but I currently have the children of D.R.S. at my house, along with my own children. It's been raining all weekend and my house is small. It's chaos that you can't imagine... not yet.

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    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
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