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03/28/2010

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So excited for you!

I think the honesty policy mixed with playing it by ear is the best idea. I think honesty makes for a better blog, but I also think it might help you get through an exciting/potentially difficult time.

But even if you're honest, there are some things you can withhold from us until you're ready. For example: I'm submitting my manuscript to agents, but I haven't blogged about that yet. My readers know I completed my manuscript, but I think writing about rejections and eventually an offer from an agent will work better in retrospect, when I'm comfortable with how everything turned out. No one wants to read my whiny posts about getting rejected. But I do think we could be a good support network for you as you move forward. Because we're all ROOTING FOR YOU!!

Good luck.
Lexi

I vote #3. You may be waiting to find out if It happened, desperate for news, dying to know, peeing on stick after stick (been there) and you'll WANT to share that. The excitement, the nervousness, the unknowing... the desire for wine coupled with the fear that you shouldn't drink it. So you might write about it, put it out there. But then the next day, you might suddenly think -- crap, I've shared too much, I don't want all these virtual strangers knowing THIS much about me, what if my producer reads it, I've peed on thirteen sticks and I'm a neurotic freak (been there), etc.... and you can say that too. Or don't say it. Or say that you're in info black-out and that's it. My point is, you get to change your mind. You are allowed to have a really strong feeling one day... and then the opposite feeling the next. Emotions aren't rational... and neither are hormones.

Can't wait to hear that the stick turned blue!

(and, ps, thank you for the shout-out)

I will be thinking fertile thoughts, with fingers crossed.

OMGoodness. Just my luck. I write a big long reply (as it seems I always do) and I lost it somewhere. So, the short version.

1. I vote #3
2. I think you're readers are respectful enough not to nag or ask stuff you aren't wanting to share.
3. You share as much or as little as you want. Whatever YOU want. It's your blog after all.
4. Not sure I'd be tweeting each new blog post if it were me, but I can't really say why. *shrug*
5. If I can be of help or give any advice feel free to holler at me. I have 6 kids and we lost a 7th at 3mths gestation. As much as i hate the term, I too was termed AMA(Advanced Maternal Age) with my last two. I was 38yrs & 40yrs with my last two.

Take care!! Blessings,C

I think you can probably find a middle ground that works for you...maybe some things don't get written about until after the fact, when you've had a chance to process them and figure out how to write about them. One thing I try to keep in mind on my blog is that writing about the bad and ugly stuff can help people who are also going through some bad and ugly stuff and think they are the only ones...

Definitely play it by ear. Write what you feel like writing, and share as much as you want to share. Impose a blackout period now and then if you need to. Let some time go by before sharing some stuff if that makes it easier; or don't share it at all. Your readers will totally respect your privacy, and appreciate what you do share.

Deborah at DebzTalkin

As a single something who will more than likely be going through this process, I say do what feels right....
I've laughed/snorted, cried, and smiled many times while reading your blog. No matter what you choose to disclose, you've got a lot of well wishers who can't wait for the day when this blog has news of a baby on the way, whether that be through adoption or your uterus...
You have no idea how inspired and most of all how hopeful this blog has made me feel.
much love from Austin TX!
xo Adeline

I think you should do whatever's in your heart, Sarah. It's gotten you this far. And we all love, respect and support you! I just think the world needs another mom as thoughtful, honest and awesome as you. So I'm thinking all good thoughts for you as you enter this new phase.
xoxo
J

It's hardly fair to make my first comment after lurking for months a disagreement with your regular and very wonderful commenters, but I have to respectfully disagree about silence in the face of potential bad stuff.

First, though, let me assure you that I'm not suggesting that instant updates are the way to go. Obviously your first responsibility is to your self and your developing family, so if you feel like jumping up and down with excitement or weeping quietly (or noisily) in your pillow or whatever, duh -- do it -- don't blog.

But as somebody who has had more miscarriages than live births (and yes, the moniker refers to children who are actually around the dinner table), I can tell you that it makes a difference to talk about it. Keeping a setback -- another stick without a line, bleeding after a positive test, an actual miscarriage, etc. -- to yourself makes it so much easier to find ways in which it is your fault. You think now that there's no way you'd blame yourself for the "ugly," but that's what makes it ugly. Sharing opens the possibility that others will share their stories and experiences with you, and hearing those, none of which you would ever blame on the woman, helps lessen the sense that there might have been something you could have done differently. Because there wasn't. Really.

Sheesh, I can't believe how much it sounds like I'm suggesting that the bad and the ugly are inevitable -- of course they aren't. But should things not go swimmingly -- should the waiting be so tremendous that it causes rifts in the time-space continuum, should the damn sticks be missing the ink or whatever it is that draws that second line, should the perfectly normal rates of very early miscarriage apply to you, then not having to ask yourself, "Should I write about this?" will be helpful. Believe me, decision making in any of those states is very, very difficult, because no matter how prepared you are, how much you know about implantation rates and whatever else there is to know, at that moment, every woman is thinking, "What did I do wrong? What is wrong with ME?" Your readers know already that there's nothing wrong with you. Let us tell you so -- while you're waiting, or if you're not. Blessings and best of luck --


Hi Sarah,
I am a firm believer that you have every right to keep things as public or as private as you'd like, and at the same time, I agree with many of the other commenters that opening up about any struggles you may encounter along the way could also be cathartic--both to you, and to readers who are going through similar struggles. I remember a post you made quite some time ago about the wedding you had to attend alone, and how hard it was to be there at some points. It was an emphatically honest post that brought all of us a little bit closer to you as readers, and it stuck with me because of how raw and uncensored it was. I remember that you had given us fair warning about the wedding weekend, and how potentially difficult it may be. You gave yourself time to process and reflect on it before you wrote, and then, when the time was right, you filled us in from a very emotionally honest place. Perhaps this could be what you could do as you embark on your new journey towards Mommy-hood.

Whatever you choose to do, we'll be here to support you, and we're rooting for you!!

Just wanted to say I said a couple of prayers for you this morning! I'm in NC, so it would've been verrry early morning for you. :) Hooray for anticipatiion!

(Oh, and by the way, if it works, I say keep it a secret until after the first trimester...there's something really magical about having a neat little secret all to yourself! But if it doesn't work, I say talk about it, because the support will be sooo helpful. I don't know, really, everyone's different...just an idea!)

you can never put the cat back in the bag. . . better to say less than to say too much!

you could institute a self-imposed "waiting period". . . a 3-7 day delay on posting your entries after writing them. . .

you can write the post, sit on it for a few days and then post it if it still feels right a week later. we may be a week behind in your life, but who will know the difference?! Plus, might be interesting from an editing point of view. . .

I like the waiting period idea, though there's validity to everything everyone has said here. an advantage of the waiting period is that you can write about things and process them through writing; and yet you don't have the pressure of a set schedule; and you still have the ability to edit yourself a little later; and anyway as writers I believe we find something useful in knowing we're writing for an eager audience (especially a sympathetic one!).

You will know yourself at the time how much you want to talk about it..

When I was pregnant I couldn't wait to tell my friends and if anything were to have gone wrong those were the people I would have turned to immediately anyway. I know it's not the same thing as blogging but everyone is different - I know friends who didn't say a word to anyone until 16 weeks.... and I have a friend who, like you is trying IUI, and she finds it a relief to talk about it to everyone and anyone who will listen!

Wait and see how you feel... and the best of luck!

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