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11/29/2010

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Sarah! I missed that post, so I just caught up ... but ... this is so much fun! Even if it's not this guy, I've believed all along that you doing what you need to do to make yourself happy and fulfilled can open up space in your life/heart for someone to find you. (speaking to myself here ....)
As a blogger myself -- I know the anxiety you're feeling about knowing that dates will immediately read everything about you. But I feel certain he'll find you more interesting and appealing, not less. How could he not?
X Julie

Darn that Google. Well, there's nothing wrong with just "putting it all out there" though. Of course now you've mentioned him 3 times(I think) on here so THAT might be a little awkward. LOL

BUT, Your blog only really shows these things: You are normal. You are a kind and good-hearted person. You want to be a mom. You're a good friend, daughter, pet owner. You care about your health, other people, the environment etc etc. I COULD go on and on.

Don't worry so much!!!

Blessings, Chris

shit. i know that's what you said out loud. or the other word possibly with 'me' after. so, this is a dilemma, that starts with d and rhymes with t and that spells trouble. i would lie. like. a. rug...at least at first.. or until you're comfortable with him reading your diary...how is your trust radar? i've wondered how you handled that part of your life but assumed there were plenty in same biz guys to go around.....google. punk'd by google.
i think you could even delay having a last name for a bit...after all, he did come up behind you soooo you're entitled to play it safe. or you could be sarah springsteen, bruce's little sister...let him google on that a while. at least your mind took a break from 'the other'...i say, jump in but play it cool..oh, and you have an older sister named pam and your mom is adele...and you were born in new jersey. the darkness on the edge of town could be the tunnel of love!

You know, I thought about that after your post relating that he hadn't called. And not just about him, but about anyone you're newly meeting; how Google will out you in a very personal way, far beyond what the critics say about your shows, or your campaign contributions. But, if it's an issue for a guy, then he's not the right guy for you. Sure, you can keep your last name from TNG for the first date or two, but if he's a good fit, he will be flattered that he appeared in your blog, and will be supportive of your baby-making quest.

I had to promise to stop blogging about someone I was involved with when he came across a post about us on a group blog I, um, hadn't told him about and hoped he wouldn't see. He'd been fine with it in theory, but it seems reading strangers commenting on his actions was just too much. In my defense, I was more than fair and the comments were positive. It's hard when you want to write with deep emotional honesty about your life, and other people are involved. And I blog under a pseudonym and used a fake name for him!

The number 1 reason I left my name out of my blog was exactly because of Google and dating. I am a super open person, but I did not want new men in my life to learn my story from my blog. I did not want them to know so much about me before I was ready to tell them.

As it stands, I am living in fear of the new guy in my life finding out about my blog through mutual friends. He knows everything about my IVF now, but my blog? It's like my diary. I just don't think I would want any guy I'm romantically interested in reading my diary.

So I feel your pain here friend.

One thing I've learned though, is that men are FAR less likely to go the Google route then we women are. In fact, they are FAR less likely to snoop at all.

The first two times the new guy was in my house, I had my IVF calendar on the fridge and needles and drugs in various locations throughout my house. It was unintentional at first (he was the guy who showed up to install my countertops, and I hadn't thought to put any of that away for the contractor! I had no idea he would be so attractive!) but seriously - he never noticed any of it! Even after I told him all, and pointed out everything he missed, he was adamant that he just hadn't even thought to look around at the stuff in my house for clues about me.

If the roles had been reversed - I would have been all up in his drawers!!

Men and women are different, and it is highly possible he would never even think to Google you.

So I've got my fingers crossed for that for you!

Well ... he left his full name ... that's good ... but he's ungoogleable ... that's a bummer.

Here's the thing ... you're a woman (as you know), and you don't have to tell him your whole name when you call back and leave a message. Just "Hi, this is Sarah" is MORE than fine ... and probably a LOT safer than sharing your last name until you actually meet him.

I know I sound paranoid ... but I think you have a right to protect yourself and your privacy until you feel like you want to get to know him better.

xoxo

I am so excited he called! That is good news. As for the blog, it's part of you and if he isn't comfortable with who you are, I think it probably wouldn't work. Better to find out that he is not interested in dating someone who is going to have a baby, early on right?

Good luck. Hope the tears go away soon. A starbucks gingerbread latte always helps me a bit. Hugs XXX

I'm probably not the first person to mention this, but this whole new subplot reminds me of your trip to the astrologer. She said there was a guy who can handle it - including a blog about trying to get pregnant.

This may be a great twist in your story. I'm excited to hear what happens!

Excited that he called! You are indeed in a little pickle with Google though.

I relate to the Google trepidation to a degree. I spent a decade as a professional journalist. And what shows up on Google? None of my major projects, and only a handful of my professional work ... but stupid, I'm-19-and-have-opiiiinnniiiooons! columns I wrote for my college newspaper 12 years ago show up first. Things I would never write or think today. Also showing up? A flap when someone took credit for some of my work. Love ya, Google. Love ya. Ain't shit I can do about it either.

You are in an interesting spot because even if you take your name off this blog, it'd still be easy for someone to find because of all the links out there. I don't totally agree with folks who say if he finds it and reads it, he should just accept it as part of you. I mean, he should eventually of course -- but reading things on the web when you don't truly know the person invites all sorts of distortion and projection. I like the idea of just giving him your first name for as long as you like. It's not about hiding as much as controlling when and how he learns about this major (and wonderful) part of your personal life.

Oh, and signing with my maiden name -- because of Google. :)

There's this young woman I know. Let's call her Ella. She lived in Arizona and was trying to figure out what to do with her life. One night in the midst of her figuring, she went to a bar, got drunk, and had a one-time fling with some dude she kinda knew. It was nothing and it meant nothing.

A couple weeks later, Ella met a guy--a really, really nice guy--who we'll call Ryan. He asked for her number, she handed it over, and he called. They made plans to go on a date. The morning of the date, Ella took a pregnancy test.

Positive.

So Ella--who is a forthright sorta chick--called Ryan and told him. She figured it would come out anyway, so why get attached if he was just going to dump her for being knocked up.

Ryan was in a car with a friend when he got the call. Understandably rattled, he told Ella he'd have to call her back after he'd digested her news. Ryan then discussed it with the friend (who had some amusingly boneheaded things to say, but that's another story) and came up with an answer: knowingly-pregnant Ella was the same person as unaware-she-was-pregnant Ella who he'd asked out on a date (that sentence may not be entirely grammatically correct). Ryan returned Ella's call and said he'd pick her up at seven.

Ryan and Ella went out on their date and then they went on a whole bunch of other dates and then they fell in love. All while Ella was pregnant.

The reason I know about Ella and Ryan is this: the baby boy who Ella gave birth to nine months later is now the son of my dear friends... we'll call them John and Kathleen. John and Kathleen and Ryan were all there when baby Sawyer was born.

Sawyer is now a year and a half old. Ella and Ryan are still together.

My point? People can surprise you. If not THIS guy, then someone else. You can't control what's going on in your reproductive life, nor can you control Google. You can just cope with it the way you already are: with honesty and strength.

Good good good luck on all fronts!

You know, I think this is an asset and not a liability. Honestly!

This blog showcases all the lovely, wonderful intriguing things that make you one Sarah Fain.

IF you tell him your last name, IF he googles you, IF he reads the whole blog... So what? He finds out more about the captivating woman that made him stop and compliment you.

And if he cut and runs... great! One less to weed out. Who's next?

Good luck!

Abby

I love the Ryan/Ella story. I know a guy who swore he would never get involved with a woman who had kids. Next thing ya know, he got married. To a woman with -- yep -- kids.

Whatever ensues will have nothing to do with Google and everything with how you two get along.

He's a guy who would call a stranger beautiful and ask for a phone number. You really think this blog is the thing that's going to make him run?

I love the story Jen told and totally agree with Heather. Note to all guys out there, you can never go wrong with telling a woman she's beautiful. The other week I was walking to the train when a complete stranger said "Beautiful dress." I said Thank you and his response "It's almost as beautiful as your smile." He could have gone about his day and kept his compliments to himself but that 10-second interaction still makes me smile and feel good about myself. So really, lesson to everyone--don't be stingy with the compliments.

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    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
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