Why is yes so complicated? You say it when you don't mean it. You say it because you feel like you have to. You say it to make someone else happy.
Sometimes, even when you mean it and want to be saying it, you somehow still know it's not the right thing to do.
I've been thinking about yes since I saw Sarah Brokaw on The View the other day, talking about her new book Fortytude.
I haven't read the book yet, but Brokaw mentioned that she froze her eggs a few years ago because although she knows she wants to be a mom, she doesn't yet know HOW she wants to become a mom... and she wants the decision to be an authentic one.
It's a bitch, isn't it?
To make a decision based not on others' thoughts and feelings, not on your own biases or erroneous beliefs, not on the stories you tell yourself, not on things you think you should want or the person you think you should be... but to look through all of the clutter and make a decision that is the right one. For you.
So when I chose YES as the word for the third stone on my ring, what I meant was that when I say yes, I want to mean it. Wholly and completely and AUTHENTICALLY, in all things... but especially throughout the IVF process.
Doing IVF involves making a lot of decisions. The first, of course, is to do IVF in the first place. Then there are all the decisions I make every day in preparation for IVF-- drinking my tea, trying to eat healthy, exercising, taking my vitamins. And there will be many more decisions to come, not the least of which is how many blastocysts to transfer-- assuming I'm fortunate enough to have several fertilize and grow.
When I make these decisions, I want to be totally sure I'm making the right decisions for me and for my theoretical future child(ren).
Not because I need every decision to be right-- after all, it's not always possible to know when decisions are right and when they're wrong.
When you say yes authentically... you know.