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04/20/2011

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Don't quit. I am 32 and have no partner and worry I will never have children because I can't afford to have them by myself. So...

I can't speak to your pain and exhaustion, but it is a year and a half that was spent not knowing. Now you know. I'm not saying 'keep going , this will happen because you clearly deserve it', I'm saying IF you can go on, go on. And all this pain may be in vain, but if this is an opportunity to have a child, and you can go on uncertain but trying, then do so.

Maybe the suggestion to quit had to be voiced in order for you to evaluate what this means to you. Neither of us is entitled to children but I think you are so brave (and so strong to put all of this out here) and I hope you can keep going. And I wish you a child.

Don't quit, my sister-in-law was in the same situation as you and she now has 3 kids, if it can happen for her it can happen for you. Have faith and keep positive.

ugh. that's a terrible thing to say to someone who is trying to get pregnant! yesterday i saw a list of things not to say to your friends who are trying (if you don't want to be a douche) and i'm quite certain that was up there.

don't stop.

what was it again...
> "There's no excuse for giving up just because it looks like we're going to lose."

Don't quit. :)

While I was reading your post, I felt like the message was one of hope - that even though you had been trying so long, you know that the hurdles you've had to overcome are now behind you. I'm sorry that instead this person has made you question your journey.

While it feels like you're no closer, just look at how far you've come! The polypy obstacles have been cleared, you've got a super smart and committed doctor on your side and a passionate desire to become a mother.

That doubter can go fly a kite. Unless it was someone that you like. In which case, they would do well to keep their negativity to themselves. Bless 'em.

Keep up the good work.

Your friend says this like giving up is the easier option??? This is such a difficult road but I can't imagine giving up when there is still a chance... Keep going!! I know you will!!!

No way! I'm with you -- You've barely gotten started. You HAVE to give yourself some good chances before thinking about other options. Go get 'em!

how about you tell such persons that the IUIs were necessary for you to get healthier? (how likely is it that you'd be treated for polyps if you weren't in the process? exactly.)far from pointless. don't quit. yet.

Umm.... how has your fertility declined fairly dramatically exactly? By hormone levels? By egg production/follicle production/whatever markers they use to assess fertility? Because by that math, it seems that your fertility has increased by over 100% considering you were infertile because of the polyps.

Are you talking age alone as the sole determinant? May I take this moment to say phhhhhhft? And now I am making the "W" with my fingers on my forehead at you.

If you'd been doing this for a year and a half under perfect conditions, only then would I feel bad for you right now. Instead, I'm doing an imaginary Edna Mode "You! Are! Elastagirl!" on you. Lovingly, of course.

1. i have suggestion for the someone who suggested you give up. STFU.

2. brief history: try, try, try for 3 years with clock ticking
3. doc says, well, let's go in a look around..clean all the pipes (tick, tick, tick)
4. doc says, all looks good, but it is looking a little older (hello 40's)
5. june,ONE YEAR LATER & TICK TICK TICK- ME: give me the clomid DOC: no can do..you don't have the room to carry mulitples...(right under 5') just too dangerous. you can go to dallas or new orleans (fert. clinics were just getting started..so no local). me: ok, we'll go to n.o. in december (less busy for husband)
6. ok, now we have a PLAN. we can relax until december. we'll enjoy the summer. no temp taking, no record keeping, no FOCommand performances (doc long-time friend..his term)
7. friends over, grill going, blender really going...it is august 12
8. summer, summer, summer. wait a minute. no.really. wait.a.minute. wait. just .a. minute. hold breath all the way to drugstore and all the way back home.
9. buy two clear-blue easy (first time user of this brand) kits. read instructions. late afternoon...I HAVE TO WAIT?? well, i have two kits.
10. to hell with waiting. blue lines. it is quiet. i am alone sitting on the floor. i have a secret. my life has changed forever. a. precious. secret. then, the tears. joy, relief, joy, thankful, joy,blessed, calmness. it has happened. it has really happened. thank you God, i will treasure this gift.

i hope with all my heart you have THAT moment. you got game.

p.s. on a sonogram table 5 wks later. doc and husband looking at screen. doc: what does this look like to you? husband: what am i looking for? doc: white dots. husband: that looks like two white dots. doc: that's what it looks like to me, too. me: WHAT, WAIT, TWO? TURN THAT AROUND. LET ME SEE.
so, i knew we were pregnant before he did but he knew there were 2 babies before me. doc: well, this is what i have to say about that: mothers of multiples club, where God chooses the members.

i don't really mean to make this about me...but rather for you to know that miracles do happen. wishes are granted. dreams do come true. and for further proof: in may, for the fifth time: We're going to DisneyWorld!
(also works for Disneyland)

Don't give up---you really have a fresh start now that the obstacles are now cleared. I'm 7 IUIs in (6 unmedicated and my first medicated last week) and I'm 41. You need to try until you're ready not to anymore. You're not there yet---the hell with what anyone else thinks.

I'm so sorry this road has been so long for you, without a clear end in sight...but eventually there will be a child for you, no matter what, because you are determined to make it happen.

You have such a supportive group of followers! So here I am adding my support: If you feel deep down that you are supposed to have a baby (and you must otherwise why get to this point in the first place) then you will absolutely have the perfect baby for you. In the mean time you are learning so much that is going to help you be a great parent! You're going to be so patient for starters, and you're going to be much better at following your gut thanks to the ineffective doctors, and you are going to be so much stronger and better able to deal with all of lifes challenges. Just give it time to unfold and relax, because it's totally going to happen in the best way imaginable.


How right you are! I have the best, most supportive readers in the universe! Which I appreciate more than I can say. Deepest thanks to Abi Grace, and to all of you!

Sent from my iPad

I echo the others: don't give up! I've also been at this for a year and a half and it's been such a learning experience. I've done 6 IUIs, but the first two were with such abysmal sperm that I almost don't count them. After each unsuccessful cycle I've felt so much like giving up, but ultimately this is a dream I cannot give up on.

You'll get there! We all will, I hope :)

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

I'm not sure who said that but it's a nice quote. I've been feeling the same way for awhile now but its about my career. I'm trying to make it as a writer and actor but I keep getting the door slammed in my face. I'm tired of hear no, no not good enough, not what we're looking for right now. Just once I want a yes! Anywho whenever I feel like giving up and getting a 9-5 desk job I read that quote. Hope it brights your day a little :)

sarah, will you please delete my posts. i don't know what i was thinking going on and on like that. didn't realize til i looked again just now.
i'm going to up the dosage now. thanks.

I feel your pain! I think about giving up all the time (I mean, it would be cheaper and less painful). But we can't give up yet because we will always think about the "what ifs." I started my injections for IVF #2 today. And I'm sure you'll be ready for an IVF cycle soon, too. The only way I can face giving up is to know that I have tried everything. So don't let anyone talk you out of trying IVF. If you have the means and the will- go for it!

Don't quit. I just found out that my girlfriend & her hubby after 10+ years of marriage and years of trying including IUI finally became pregnant recently. If this is what you really want, keep trying and pray. It will happen.

Okay, I don't know where that lady gets off. You've only been trying for a year and a half, seriously! Eighteen months! What is that in a lifetime? What is any time invested toward getting what you really want? YOU HAVE NOT BEEN TRYING THAT LONG, and as you pointed out there were very real obstacles that stood in the way each time so you haven't yet had the opportunity for a *real* go at it. I don't know if that lady was trying to be helpful or what, but she's nuts, ignore her. Listen to you and what you want.

Some of the best advice I ever heard: The time is going to pass anyway. The days, weeks, months, years, they are going to keep passing, it's not like if you stop trying suddenly time reverses. If the time is passing anyway then put your heart and soul into getting what you really want, don't just let it pass and regret not having tried.

You will get the outcome you desire. Things will happen for you. Keep your head up and keep trying. We're rooting for you, I'm rooting for you, the internet and the universe love you, hang in there.

@Jerie
Your story made cry with butterflies in my chest. That is what it sounds like, please re-think your request to have it deleted. It is lovely!

Sarah, you have a wonderful bunch of supporters, I hope that makes it easier.


I agree-- Jerie, Ill remove your comments if you really really want me
To, but I thought they were great!


Sarah Fain
www.starfishenvy.typepad.com

A year and a half seems like a really long time when you're in the middle of it with hormones, emotional highs and lows, doctor visits, etc. But, from experience, I will tell you that the time will seem like nothing when you look back at it years from now (or even less than two years later, like me).

If you have a child in your arms at that time, then it will seem like the time spent trying was barely a blip. If you don't have a child, then it will seem like you barely gave it a chance. Don't live with regrets. Explore all options before you quit.

And, if your friend is suggesting it's easier to quit, then she doesn't understand your strength to take on challenges. I always say that I don't make my decisions based on how difficult something will be -- otherwise, I would never choose single motherhood!!

jerie, sarah, please leave the comments! so beautiful.

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