So here's a thing that happened today...
WP and I took a lunch break at a restaurant near our office. After a very productive lunch, as we waited for the valet to bring my car (it's LA), I was standing in the hot sun for several minutes, and my back started aching. So I leaned-- gently, mind you-- against the SUV that was parked right behind me.
As in, lightly rested my back against the flat back of the SUV.
Almost instantly, I heard, in the nastiest possible tone: "Uh, excuse me. Could you stop LAYING ACROSS MY CAR?"
Laying across. His car.
I turned to find a young actor I sort of semi-recognized. Who, for some reason, was just standing outside the restaurant. Not getting in his car. Not going anywhere. Just kind of standing there.
I was too stunned to react appropriately, but WP fiercely informed him that I am NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, thank you very much. At which point he DOUBLED DOWN and said, in just as nasty a tone as the first time, that that didn't mean I could LAY ACROSS HIS CAR.
He looked at my belly and DOUBLED DOWN!!!
I mean, this is a young man with a mother somewhere whose soul just curdled with shame.
You're thinking, "This must have been a FANCY SUV! A Bentley perhaps! A MASERATI!"
But no! It was, in fact, the most basic of all SUVs.
So then you think, "But it MUST have been coated in GOLD!"
And again, I say, no! No gilding.
Just a regular ol' SUV.
Oh, how I wish I had taken my giant, swollen belly and climbed up on the hood of his car and shown him what LAYING ACROSS A CAR really looks like.
Instead, I will look forward to the inevitable day when that mean, little semi-recognizable actor appears in my office for an audition.
And I will say, "Oh, I recognize you. You wouldn't let me rest my aching back against your car when I was forty weeks pregnant."
Obviously, he won't be getting the part.
He may be the best actor in the world.
But WP and I have a firm No Assholes Policy.
Ha! Thanks, Actuary, for the grammar heads up. But meany said "LAYING," so I'm sticking with it!