So, I went out of
town and my dogs got in a fight and now Daisy has a surgically repaired lower
eyelid and Chloe… well, Chloe happened to get bit right on a fatty tumor she’s
been cultivating, so she’s currently at the vet recovering from having the
whole thing removed, since, hey, there was a big gash there anyway, might as
well make it a little bigger and take this baby out!
All while Moose
obliviously looks around grinning and going “What? What’s going on?
What’d I miss?”
Seriously, does
it never end? It’s not like today
was such a GREAT day to start with. It SO wasn’t.
Not even close. Ugh to the
extreme.
All of which led
to a discussion with my friend CA about numbness.
Personally, I’m a
fan. Of emotional numbness, I
mean, not numbness of the extremities.
That I don’t enjoy even a
little. But emotional numbness
serves a vital purpose in my life.
It’s far better than loneliness, for example, which is crippling and
unpleasant. It’s miles above fury,
which makes my neck get all shakey, and everyone knows that’s just not
attractive. It beats the hell out
of regret. And sadness. And disappointment, and all the other
emotions that make me want to eat bad things and not answer the phone and curl
up on the couch for marathon sessions of Masterpiece
Mystery. (Oh, Poirot, how I love thee...)
Numbness, on the
other hand, is the equivalent of being a functioning alcoholic. Are you miserable (drunk)? Sure! But that doesn’t mean you can’t get out of bed and give the
dogs their pills (8 at last count, not including two varieties of drops and an
ointment) and shower and put on make-up and go to work and actually do work and talk to other humans and
maybe manage a couple of laughs and eat healthy and exercise and do all the
things that non-miserable people do on a daily basis.
And eventually
the numbness fades and the goodness comes back. For the most
part. There are some things I’m just long-term numb about.
Singledom. My mom’s
Alzheimer’s. Not that being
perpetually single is the equivalent of a disease that attacks your brain
cells. But, as much as I’m trying
to see the bright side of my solitude lately… well, I’m doing my best. Some things just are what they
are. And numbness makes those
things bearable.
.
What does numbness
help you get through? And just to
be clear, I’m not talking about depression, which is a totally different thing
and should be treated very seriously.
If you’re depressed, get thee to a doctor-y! Make haste! (I'm being glib, but I mean it. If you're depressed, get your ass to a shrink.) But if you just need to muddle through something, does
numbness come in handy for you?
P.S. Tomorrow I promise to be happier.
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