The More Active Thing? Well, Of Course.

Last week I wrote about walking out on the ice, even when it's scary.   In response, a reader named Jen wrote a beautiful and moving comment that contained the following words of wisdom: "When in doubt, always do the more active thing". 

Huh.

WHEN IN DOUBT, ALWAYS DO THE MORE ACTIVE THING.  

Well, of course!  It's so obvious.   

Why, then, do I never do it?

I mean, I do it sometimes.  Professionally, I do it more than sometimes.  But personally?  No, sir.   

And in which arena of my life have I been more successful?  Hmmmmmmmm. Excuse me while I narrow my eyes thoughtfully and tap my cheek with my index finger.

Yeah, I'm gonna go with "professionally."  It's not even a contest.

If I were as successful at my life as I am at my job... things would be pretty damn amazing.  But I have these trust issues, and I'm busy, and... blah bluhblah blah.

Excuses are so easy, aren't they?  

The thing is, I like change.  I like adapting to new situations.  

Which reminds me of an exchange I had with Marta Kauffman a few years ago.  (If y'don't know, Marta Kauffman co-created Friends.)  At the time, WP and I were students in the WGA Showrunner Training Program, and Marta had generously offered to speak to us newbie-types.  When we broke into small groups, I asked Marta if she'd ever gotten tired of working on Friends.  It may seem like an odd question, but people who work in television seldom have the same job for more than a few years.  Ten years on the same show seemed almost unfathomable to me.  Still does, frankly.  But Marta Kauffman looked at me like I was loco. Apparently she loved every moment of her ten years on Friends.  More power to her.  

I'd have gone nuts.

Because I'm happier when I change things up.  When I'm doing THE MORE ACTIVE THING.  So, should I sell my house?  YES!  Should I have a baby?  YES!  Should I somehow find the time to bust-ass on my next Young Adult book series?  Uh, yeah.  

Okay, then.  I'm on it!

Now, how did I not fully realize this about myself until I read the words all strung together like that in Jen's comment?  As a reader named Jessica recently pointed out, it's "good to have others who can look at the ice when I'm teetering."  

Well said, Jessica.  And thanks, Jen, for being my lookout on this one.

.

Jen's advice is closely related to one of WP's favorites: If you're not sure whether or not to go to law school, don't.  If you're not sure whether or not to have a baby, do. 

What words of wisdom have made you understand yourself/the world a little better?

Comments

[Jen]

How exciting to have a post reflect on a comment I made! I'm glad my thought struck a chord. I remembered where I read it: Nuala O'Faolain's "My Dream of You", toward the end where the main character talks with a priest about a decision she is facing. And interestingly, her professional life is going very well, though her personal life, not so much.

[Dara]

wow another great post! i also feel pretty comfortable and confident in my professional life but personal life-wise i tend to settle and get into relationships by default. i realize if i would've taken more time to get to know said woman, i probably would not have been in a relationship. i feel kind of goofy for saying it but my new "thing" is to try to learn how to date without getting serious. repeating to self, "do not settle." lol

[Liz]

Again, I can so relate to this. I like change too, I like the feeling of having too much to do and then getting it done anyway - I am way less productive when I don't have enough on my plate, oddly enough.

Honestly, one reason I decided to adopt is that I didn't want to be bored with the rest of my life. I needed a challenge, and raising a child seemed like a pretty darn worthwile challenge to take on!

But, now I'm feeling stuck. I'm miserable in my job, but feel like I can't leave because I will need the maternity time in a few months. Maybe I need to figure out a way to do the active thing in this situation...

[Kat]

The one thing that helped me several times already is the quote 'I rather regret the things I did do than the things I didn't do'. Not easy to live by but I try from time to time :-)

[Melinda]

I heard this at a writing seminar, from screenwriter Jeff Arch, who seemed like a very compassionate and level-headed guy: "Let go of doubt and fear, and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish." I have found this to be very true.

[Heather]

"What would you accomplish in life if you knew you could not fail?" I try to think of that, and it's helped me take on challenges that I wouldn't have otherwise because I fear failure.

Then there's laziness, which I haven't found a way to get rid of yet. I am manic-depressive in my work habits: Days of accomplishment followed by weeks of sloth.

[amy]

I love this post! I am the exact opposite of you Sarah. I *hate* change. Although once I try something new, I am usually happy. I've found that in my personal and professional life it takes me a while to leap (I've held the same job for 7 years) and I generally let other people make decisions for me. I subsequently resent some of these decisions (or how the decisions impact my day to day life) because I have very little part in making them. I am going to follow your advice, little by little, and become more active in my own life! Thanks for another terrific post. I hope you are feeling better!

[Jessica]

I love change, too, so I've been thinking a lot about Jen's quote as well. I find that I want a major life overhaul every 3-4 years and I start getting antsy if it's not happening.

The words of wisdom that came to me when I read this are from my mother, who is the most generous person I know with her time, money, talents, and kindness. She regularly tells me that "you can't give away any flowers if your basket is empty." It's my reminder that I have to take care of myself once in a while.

The one I'm working with most now is "You always have time for what you do first." It's helps me think about my priorities and stop making excuses for not getting the important things done.

I'm sure I'll think of more later, but that's a good start. Thanks for letting us tag along on your adventures in change!