« Wanna Watch A Porno? | Main | Things To Do Before I Die (A Long, Long Time From Now) »

11/08/2009

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Oh wow! That sounds like something I would do. I'm a creature of habit and don't really like change. We are still in the first house we ever bought. I would LOVE a new house but I would want to keep this one as well....sentimental I guess. I was actually thinking the same sort of thing the other day. Would I still want out of this house if I could fix it exactly how I want it?? No, I definitely would not.
But, I have a lot of memories here. I've raised my kids in this house and this is where my grandkids come to visit me. Does your house FEEL like home? I would say if it's not really an emotional attachment that you have to the house then you should probably stick with the decision to move.
Sorry, I'm not much help. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you and for where you are in your life right now.

Good luck!

What helps me make that kind of a decision is being able to look at a situation with fresh eyes. You've been able to move some things out of the house and look at it from another perspective.

Regularly, I used to have the local realitor try to get me to sell our house. Even though there were things that needed improving on the house, I love where I live and we own our house. Why would I move and acquire a mortgage?

We are now in the process of remodeling and when we're done, I'll have the house I've always wanted. Bottom line, why move if you like where you live.

Sounds exciting Sarah .... and fun.

And there I was - distracting myself from a decision(career)I'm wrestling with by clicking through to read you - and then you go and ask that question!

I thought I'd come to a decision but seems I can't quite bring myself to close the door on one of my two options. And I'm not feeling good about that!

I remember reading the guys who set up Innocent Drinks (UK) tried out their product at a festival and had 2 bins for the empties. They asked customers to vote. One bin for 'go back to your day job'. One bin for 'give up the day job and make smoothies'. The latter was fuller at the end of the day - and that's what they did - very successfully.

I thought I'd done my own bottle banking - but now I seem to be sneaking bottles back from one bin to another and confusing myself no end !

(If it's any help and probably not - I always wondered how you could bear to be thinking about moving - the way you wrote about your house always had me yelling 'no' at the screen everytime you mentioned upping sticks !)

Sarah, the most natural feeling we have is to want to hold on to what we know. It is uncomfortable to move forward, be it a new house, a new job, a new relationship, whatever that is new is also scary because we have no clue what is coming up next. We like to shelter in the old because it is comfortable.

But, facing the uncomfortable take strength and is the best part of moving forward, I say, stay the course and embrace the new you. Stand tall, look the future in the face and take one step forward, then another and another...

I've been known to make big money related decisions on a coin toss so I might not be the best person to take advice from, but if this house works in many ways and can be fixed to meet your needs, I'd say reconsider the move.

Though I admit there was one time this didn't work for me, one trick is to flip the coin and then see if your reaction is, "...hmm... ok, best out of three!" If so, it means you're disappointed and should do the opposite of what the coin said. If you're relieved or happy with the coin's decision, go with that.

Wow... I've been away for a bit and must've missed a lot. Guess you're moving? Well, either way, this post really made me chuckle, and was a good way to start off my morning. :)

"When you're flip-flopping, what helps you finally make a decision?"
I'm never any help on these questions... And this one may be worst of all: It's quite possible I'm the world's most indecisive person. For me, what inevitably ends up happening is, after sweat, pain, and likely an ulcer, I just make a decision. No method or science involved. Just the constraint of time.

Stay!!! - you have an awesome house that does need some love but it is definitely do-able.

Look at the Halcyon air conditioners (split units that are kind of like central air but not really). Much easier to install.

The basement is really big, you just need a better staircase. Hire an architect, make a plan.

You do have a great yard with some work.

Also, so close to the Brite-Spot.

sarah, as someone who moved and put her house on the market a year ago with no results, i say stay. i am now in another city paying rent on a little apartment and the mortgage on my empty house an hour and a half away. i am financially strapped because of this. i am now trying to transfer back to my old job and move back into my house. i was there yesterday doing a couple errands. i took a friend with me and she was saying how much she loved the place and it made me all sweet again on the cute little nest! you can fix it up and increase your equity, too.

for me, i bought my house at age 27 and have had it for 11 years. it means more than just a secure space for me--it feels like a huge achievement and makes me proud that my efforts paid off. it took me moving away to truly appreciate it.

In my experience with major life changes, I've found that the decisions that were the right decisions were made very quickly, decisively, and without much hemming and hawing (and I'm generally a VERY analytical/ "mulling over" type of person!) It's just that when I think about jobs I've gone to, or the apartment I've lived in for 8 years now, the decision immediately felt "right", and I moved on it right away. Interestingly enough, I've never felt the "right" feeling about a relationship, and I'm still not married! I guess that's a good thing :) It feels to me that in reading what you wrote about your house, the idea of staying feels good to you. And just because you do some rennovations doesn't mean you have to stay there forever! If you see a home down the road that "feels right", you'll know, and the excitement you feel about moving will propel you to make the change, and say hello to something new.

I'm in the camp of "if you can change the things that don't work, stay". Why go through the hassle and expense of a move when you can go through the hassle and expense of a remodel? :)

But seriously, if you haven't seen anything on the market that you like as much as your current place, why not hang on to your equity, upgrade a little, and stay?

One last thought: If it sounds appealing to integrate a child into your "old" life, that's a vote for staying. If it's more exiting to imagine starting all over with a baby in a clean slate environment, then it will be worth it to move. Even if you have to remodel in the new place!

(When my husband died, I redecorated rather than moving, even though the house is too big now, and a bit of a financial drain. The idea of starting over, creating a nice cozy nest in a new home for just me and my daughter, was enticing, but I realized it was an attempt to run away from the pain of grieving. Redecorating the house we bought together was a way of integrating my new needs into my old life, and enabled me to face my grief while loving the new paint and bright fun rugs.)

Hi Sarah,

Excellent photos ... they really capture the weekend!!! and AC looks AMAZING. Hard to believe she was in the hospital a week ago!

Your post (as is so often the case) is so resonant and great and thought-provoking. So ... thank you ... for this and all your posts.

I've been struggling with some choices lately, too. And I was trying really hard to take the advice you offered a few weeks ago (make the more active choice). But like you said that day, sometimes, when it's going to mean real personal change, those choices are hard to make.

And then I got to thinking ... that sometimes, doing nothing is the right choice. Sometimes, doing nothing (not moving, not quitting your job, not walking out on a relationship, not eating the cupcake) is better for you. Living through the struggle can ... sometimes ... make you more powerful and more energized and more confident. It can strengthen a relationship. It can make you more healthy. It can help you get centered and give you clarity.

But I must say ... of all the advice above ... I really appreciate the coin toss idea ... Once you toss the coin, if you're disappointed with the outcome, you really know what's in your heart. I like that. Maybe I'll try that.


coin toss is good advice. the listen to your heart part, I mean. :) also think about which choice gets you closer to your long-term goals. thanks for the pics -- they look great -- it was so fun, and you're an awesome hostess!

Flip a coin and see how you feel about the decision.. My decision making is will I be happy if... Try to see myself with both sides of the decision.

Also, my 2 pennies.. don't let looking for the perfect house halt your baby momentum.. You know oh so when I move I will get pregnant.. or when I finish the remodel or when I whatever... easy to procrastinate...

A couple of posts ago when you were complaining about moving, I resisted writing, "Then why are you moving? Why?"

You were feeling sick, why should I pile on?

But you're better now, so.... WHY MOVE? I don't think this is a fear of change in any way. On the contrary, I think there is so much change in your life right now that you may have gone too far in the change direction.

You love your house. The other stuff is fixable. People raise kids and dogs in high-rise downtown-Manhattan apartments. There's no reason you can't do the same in the house you love, in the neighborhood you love. Then, someday, when the market is better and you do find that next house, you'll be ready to go.

We miss our L.A. house every single day. Yes, we had to move. But yesterday, two years after the fact, we were driving around a different, better part of town lamenting that we jumped into buying an imperfect house here rather than rent and wait to find the right one. Do not underestimate its impact on your life!

P.S. - if you haven't checked the http://zenhabits.net/ website in a while, today's a good day to do that. :)


How I LOVE Zen Habits!

The comments to this entry are closed.

My Books (with Elizabeth Craft)



  • 'Bass Ackwards and Belly Up' and 'Footfree and Fancyloose' tell the story of four best friends who commit the ultimate suburban sin: putting off college to pursue their dreams.

    Publisher's Weekly said: "Full of romance and adventure, laughter and tears, the story is a reminder that veering from the straight and narrow road doesn't always lead to a dead end."

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Twitter Updates

    follow me on Twitter
    Blog powered by Typepad

    What is Starfish Envy??


    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
    small twitter icons
    Happiness Project

    Google Analytics


    StatCounter