It's a Wonderful Wedding

Nothing makes a single person feel more alone than a wedding.  

Not putting a check in the "single" box on, oh, pretty much EVERY QUESTIONNAIRE THAT EXISTS.  Not never getting invited to couple dinners and couple vacations and couple whatever-the-fuck-else-couples-do.  Not even baby showers, 'cause, hey, turns out you don't need a man to have a baby.  At least, not one who's actually a part of your life.

But weddings... yeah.  In general, they suck.

In fairness, I have to say they don't always suck.  WP's wedding was beautiful and fun, though I was stressed for weeks beforehand about giving a toast at the rehearsal dinner. (I killed.)  And B'n'K had a great wedding, from which I learned a very important lesson: mariachi bands can, in fact, be romantic.

But this wedding was more like a mini-vacation, and one I sorely needed.  Aside from my delayed flight to San Francisco, it was a stressless long weekend, filled with great food, friends, exercise, and fantastic scenery.    

Some of the highlights:

Calistoga.  Lovely town.  Easy drive from San Francisco.  

 

Lovely town with trees.  Pretty trees, with leaves that change colors.  And leaves that stay green but are still worth taking a moment to appreciate:

 

Solage.  I've already praised the rooms, but I failed to mention the pens.  They're made of paper.  PENS MADE OF PAPER!!!!  Well, cardboard.  With wooden doo-hickies-- whatever those pen parts are called that you use to attach a pen to your shirt/notebook/pen protector.  Cool, right?

 

One of the many things I loved about this wedding, is that the ceremony took place in the yoga studio.  Which also happens to be where I did my first-ever boxing workout (if you're ever at Solage, work out with Donovan-- the next day, I could barely lift my arms).

  

Pretty right?  Here's one with TandM, the glowing bride and the euphoric groom... or, at this point, glowing wife and euphoric husband:

 

The wedding was immediately followed by a toast outside the reception area.  And I'm not talking champagne.  I'm talking shot glasses of the best Bloody Mary I've ever had, and beer for those who were so inclined.  There was also something red, which I'm guessing was a Shirley Temple for the non-drinkers in the crowd.  I have no photos.  I was too engrossed in my Bloody Mary.

Post toast, the doors to the reception area opened, and everyone GASPED.  Although why everyone gasped, I'll never know, because expecting anything less than perfection from TandM... well, that's just sheer foolishness.

 

That's the first picture I took once the doors opened.  And what's cuh-razy about this picture is that I'M ON THE WALL.  See?  Back there in the left-hand corner?  And I didn't even notice this little factoid until a couple days ago.  TandM are SO together, that they had slides of every single wedding guest-- and, of course, of themselves-- projected on the wall throughout the reception.  It was a subtle, lovely touch.

Another subtle, lovely touch?  The place cards.  Here are a couple from the Dollhouse crew: 

 

 

Right?  I know.  And that's truffle oil there above the plate.  We all got a bottle for our cooking pleasure-- perfect and appropriate because, not shockingly, TandM also happen to be amazing cooks.  Although, frankly, I think they should just jettison their successful careers in television and plan weddings, because this one was a slam dunk.

Until the dancing started.  The dancing is the really crappy part of a wedding when you're single.  And it's when I slip away.  As quickly and quietly as possible.  And walk home alone.

I'm sure there are people out there who think the dancing is the BEST part of a wedding, and that it doesn't matter if you're alone or not, and to those people I say more power to you.  But when ninety percent of the crowd is couples, and the bulk of the other ten percent is young enough to dance on daddy's feet... that's when I'm outta there.

Of course, the walking home alone, is even suckier than the dancing.  

But at least once you're home, you can take off your shoes.  And be grateful for a lovely evening, planned thoughtfully and meticulously, by people who love each other and love their families and friends, and who used the occasion of their wedding to let each other-- and all of us-- know it.

So, to TandM: Thanks, guys.  You created a perfect day.  May every one of your days be just as joyous.

Comments

[Liz]

Looks like a wonderful time!

Dancing at weddings is hit or miss for me, I love to dance so if the music is conducive to dancing-by-yourself-or-in-a-group kind of dancing, I'm good to go. But if it's only good for partner dancing, blech. One of my brothers got married several years ago and had a jazz band at the reception - lovely to listen to, but horrible for dancing. Worst wedding I've ever been to, for several reasons...and no surprise, he's not married to her anymore!

[Heather]

Pssssssst. Know what else couples do? They sit at home on Saturday night, slouched on the couch with laptops open, realizing for the millionth time there is *nothing* on cable and all the Tivo'd stuff was watched during the week. Could be the introvert in me.

I second Liz's comment about the jazz band at weddings, in that I agree it's terrible for dancing.

[actuary]

My complaint about weddings is that the band is usually so loud you can't talk.

[T]

As the T of TandM, I must emerge from the unblogosphere to say that it WAS an amazing day... amazing because we had such a beautiful collection of humanity celebrating life and love and one another (and of course, wine!) together.

You, Sarah, are an enormous part of that equation. We are constantly amazed and, yes, often even have conversations about your warmth, beauty, compassion, intelligence and overall awesomeness. Thank you for surmounting your single woman wedding insecurities to be part of our weekend. I can't tell you how much it pleases me to know it turned out to be the relaxing escape you needed and so deserved (which was, perhaps, part of our evil plan in luring you to Solage)...

And the overly ambitious boxing workout?! Do we need more evidence of your unbelievable coolness? I, for one, ALWAYS pack workout gear for weekends getaways and vacations and ALWAYS return home at the end of those trips not having to launder those items because they have never been used. Kudos to you on outstanding motivation and follow through!

And, my late weigh-in on your Thanksgiving post -- What am I currently MOST grateful for and just plain over the moon about?

You're OVULATING!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We love you. And know that you, too, will find your happiness. In whatever form you most wish it to arrive.

[JM]

Hi Sarah! I found your blog today via Gretchen & The Happiness Project, and something about it 'clicked' with me, particularly this post. Last year I'd been dating a guy for 10 months before I discovered he wasn't necessarily aiming for marriage. Since I was (aiming, that is), it was a quite disorienting. A couple weeks later, one of my cousins got married, and while carpooling to the wedding with my parents, we had some discussions about where my life could be going. I came to what I felt was, for the first time, real acceptance of being single, and the possibility of remaining that way. Ye-ah...that lasted maybe a day, right up to bouquet toss (what a horrid tradition - I ducked out) and the dancing at the reception. Only little girls were on the dance floor, until my dad asked my mom to dance. It was such a touching moment! And once again, I was reminded of how in love they are and how much I do still hope to find that kind of love. So much for acceptance! A more recent thing that makes being single really suck? Christmas letters.

[sarahfain]

I am SO with you on the Christmas letters. Whenever I get one, I think, Do I REALLY have to read this? Also, your story about your parents dancing warms my cold, cold heart!