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This is fantastic. Though I'm sure he was not thinking anything but the most helpful and supportive thoughts. It reminds me of the brief and very kind way in which my cleaning lady informed me today, "I put the bag from the bathroom counter into the drawer. In case you need it." I will not elaborate on what the bag contained, but fill in the blank with the potentially embarrassing items of your choice, and let's just say my cleaning lady is an extremely sweet woman of the utmost tact and understanding. I imagine the fellow on the phone was the very same way.

How wonderfully exciting!!

Your "SPERM SPERM SPERM SPERM SPERM" made me think of this lovely little Monty Python ditty.


Hope it makes you laugh!

Take care, we are all thinking good thoughts for you!!


It's funny how hard it can be to say some things, and the audience definitely makes a difference. Yesterday I had to call my pediatrician's office because my son had developed a rash on his "unit" (as my husband would say). I try to be more clinical, but I still announced proudly to him afterward that I managed to say "penis" multiple times in the conversation and neither blush nor giggle. Well, maybe my cheeks were a little bit red.

Anyway, I'm very excited for you that you are at the point where you need to say or hint around at picking up sperm. Woohoo!!

I love that you managed to get through the whole conversation without actually saying sperm. brilliant.
Good luck!

He's probably keeping running stats on how many times clients say "sperm" during a conversation :).

When I ordered the "vials", I was wondering how you pay for it. I figured it is a BIG deal. I mean when I bought my apartment, I had to have millions of cashiers checks and I had tons of financial background checks etc. And then I was only buying some wood, glass, plaster etc. Here I was buying my future child(ren). When the polite lady told me I could pay by credit card, my mind was reeling and my response was "So I get frequent flier miles for sperm!!" So before I do my FET this fall, my future children are sponsoring my trip to Alaska!!

I know two other women who are currently sperm-shopping. One is a friend from high school who is ordering it from San Francisco. She is reveling in the fact that the U.S. postal system is being used to wing sperm to a couple of flannel-wearing lesbians in (you guessed it) Asheville.

The other is my dear friend here in L.A. (who is now reading your blog and is going through The Same Things as you -- even similar house insanity). I am ridiculously excited because she said I can help her "shop"... i.e. scroll through potential donors online. It seems like the most fun thing in the world, and also a fabulously feminist thing to do: toppling years of male judgement on its head. She (and you) get to decide the worth of a man, of many men, based on his physical appearance and his medical history and his ability to produce offspring. Stir with female insight, a dash of gut reaction, and a splash of good old-fashioned luck. There are so many things I find awesome about it.

One more thing: I read your blog all the time. I often think about commenting and then I don't, I think because we are in the same industry (vastly different levels) and you are a little intimidating to me. Silly, I know. But when I am so very frustrated by knocking on doors that won't open, or that open a crack and then slam shut again, and when the Forces That Be seem so much bigger than the words I write, your writing reminds me that underneath the suits and on the other side of the desks, we are all still more alike than we are different. So thank you for that.

And know that a whole bunch of people are wishing you the very best of luck on your beautiful adventure into motherhood.


You know that phrase: "If you can't say it, you're not ready to do it"? (Which is usually directed at teens who are contemplating playing with sperm in a slightly different way.)

SPERM, SPERM, SPERM!!! Say it loud and proud! You're doing it!



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    What is Starfish Envy??

    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
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