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Ugh, that really does suck. In a way, it would be nice to be able to trust an expert in all this, but then again, your gut is the expert when it comes to your body, and if it's feeling iffy, then...well, I don't know what then. But I get how frustrating it must be.

Can I preach for a second?

I have a rule with doctors.....any doctor. If I'm paying them then they are explaining things to my satisfaction. If I don't understand something I asked for them to explain it.

If they say "This what we are going to do", I say "WHY?"

if they want tests done I ask what they are looking for or what are they trying to rule out...what will the test tell us etc etc.

So, you love your doctor, like her partner etc. Now you need to get to the point where you can say I am confident in their decisions for me.
You're putting a lot into this , buying sperm,paying for all the shots & IUI's etc, having a baby on your own, your advanced maternal age(sorry, we all know much I LOATHE that word.)

You need to be honest with your doctor. Tell her you thought the best time to do IUI would be A and could she explain to you why she thinks the best time is B? Obviously she has a reason and if it's a good reason it should be easy for her to explain it.

So, in review :-), this is probably the most important thing you're doing in your life. Make sure you are comfortable with every single bit of it. You're going to worry enough during the 2ww without worrying about if the IUI was done at the right time. Speak up!

Preaching over. :-)

BLESSINGS as always to you! HUGS! Chris

Chris-- Youre RIGHT!!! Absolutely one hundred percent right. It doesnt seem like it should be so hard, but for some reason it is. Hard or not... tomorrow, I will follow your advice!

Go Sarah! LOL sorry I hope that didn't sound too preachy. You just happen to hit one of my biggest pet peeves. Never leave a doctor's office if you still have questions. Our health is too important for that. Leave those unknowns for the small stuff.

Can't wait to hear when you get that BFP (do they still use that acronym in the TTC community?)

Blessings, C

it sounds like you are already going to talk to your doctor, but one thing I learned when I was pregnant and delivering my son, you have to trust your gut. if something doesn't feel right, talk to your doctor. All those female hormones make your woman's intuition even stronger. Since the goal is to get pregnant and have a baby, after the baby's here, you'll have to be it's advocate, so speak up. tell the doctor what you're feeling, ask as many questions as you have to feel better or to revisit the steps they are taking in your treatment. it's one of the ways you do your best to take care of yourself (and your little one :) )

Ouch, not having faith in your fertility plan is really painful. I think Chris is dead on -- asking WHY is the best way to get your fears allayed. Good for you for having the courage to ask!

Jen and Catherine-- Perfect timing! Im
Waiting to meet with my doctor right now, so the encouragement
Is much appreciated! Also typing on my iPhone, which is always is disaster.


I agree with the always ask questions and make sure you are happy with the treatment you are getting. But even more I subscribe to the trust your own instincts!! I know that sperm doesn't come cheap... but to give yourself extra coverage- can you do both once or twice? Insem earlier and later?

Hoping you talked with the doctor and she explained things in a way that gave you solace and understanding ... or gave you enough information to change the plan into something you DO understand and want to follow ... and hoping, too, that you'll feel like sharing what she had to say. Because I couldn't agree with Chris more ... and Jen and Catherine, too.

Mucho blessings on your head ... (and womb) ...

xo, jeanne

Hi Sarah, I know you've already met with your doctor by now, but I wanted to give you a concrete alternative to ask for--a trigger shot. This takes the guess work out of the time of insemination. I'll check back to see what you decided to do!


Well, Chris and others beat me to it, but I want to just add to the chorus that there is no reason why you should have to follow a doctor's advice blindly. You are a smart, educated woman, and she (and her partner) should be able to explain it all to you in a way that makes you feel like you are part of a team, not that you are just following directions. One thing that helped me with my own pregnancy (both of them, actually) was the idea that *I* am in charge. The doctors are NOT. They are there to help me achieve my goal (a healthy baby), but I'm the captain of this ship.

I hope by now you have gotten more information that has helped you either to chart a new course or to feel like the one you're on is best.

I had to make a comment on something that Catherine. I love what she said about being your baby's advocate. That is SO important so why not get started before baby comes?! I'd like to share a short story.

When we first moved to Wichita we didn't know anyone and I'm not sure how we picked the doctor that we had......but we did NOT stay with him. Our daughter was 4mths old and sick. The doctor handed me an rx and I asked him what it was for. He actually told me "nothing you need to worry about". Are you kidding me?! My husband had been a pharmacist in the Army millions of years earlier and we liked to know what drugs we were putting in our bodies, and why. I was so LIVID that day that I didn't say anything in the office but the minute I got home I called and informed them we would NEVER return to his office.

When it comes to our health and the health of our loved ones it's important to be well-informed. When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 9 years ago my father called me on the phone right after her biopsy to tell me. After calling me he called his employer and took an early retirement starting that very day. He wanted to learn everything he could about what my mom was going to be going through and how he could help her. And he did. He knew more details about my mom's illness than she probably did. He was definitely her advocate.

Sorry for the mega long reply. I tend to soapbox a lot.


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    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
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