Mean People Suck

You know how some days just MASSIVELY SUCK?

I had one of those days on Saturday.  It was SOOOO fun.

Not.  Remotely.   

The day o' massive suckage started with an altercation with a hostile delivery truck driver at my favorite breakfast spot that ended with me crying.  For hours.  Seriously. Hours.  Through both an ultrasound and an acupuncture session.  The guy was f'ing crazy and terrifying.  If the manager of the restaurant hadn't come out when he did, I would have called 911.  As in, my finger was about to press the second '1' when help arrived.

A staggeringly not good start to the day.

Which was then followed by an appointment with my OB/Gyn's partner, who is now handling my fertility endeavors.  He was very nice, and distracted me from my tears with tales of the presents he's getting his kids for their birthdays.  But the ultrasound showed that I only have three follicles this month.  After having four last month-- with a lower dose of fertility meds, mind you-- I was disappointed.  I know that all it takes is one good egg, but when it comes to follicles, the more there are, the merrier I am.  

I am not merry about three.  In fact, it's all feeling rather pointless.

And THEN I went to my new acupuncturist, who seems good, but who clearly felt I should be seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist, not mucking about with a regular old OB/Gyn.  Which, on top of the morning I'd just had, was really too much for me to handle.  By the time I got home I was contemplating putting my head in the oven.

Not really.  It's too hot to be anywhere near an oven.

But I was miserable beyond description.  I couldn't even take a nap.  Every time I closed my eyes, psycho delivery truck driver was there, berating me for not being able to back my car up around his big f'ing delivery truck.   

Prick.  

Anyhoo... 

.

It's now Sunday, and I still feel pretty much like crap.  When something that unpleasant happens (and nothing that unpleasant has happened to me in years, maybe ever, if I don't include the deaths of loved ones), it makes me feel generally unsafe.  Ill at ease. Like people aren't who I think they are.  Like I should be somewhere else, be someone else.

It's not a good feeling.  I hope it goes away soon.

By tomorrow morning would be nice.

Comments

[Lauren]

I used to be a receptionist, people do suck. They are unhappy with their lives and they make it their job to spread as much misery as they possibly can.

I've had people yell at me and call me names over stupid little things or their own incompetence. The fact that it upset you means that you're a nice person. It's good to be nice. Don't let it bother you anymore - just let it go. The longer you hold on to it the angrier you'll become and you'll be mean just like those other jerks.

I only survived being a receptionist because I pretended to be just as mean and crazy as they are, it didn't completely fix things but it subsided. You'll notice that mean people are cowards, they only go after the nice people. Really? When was the last time you saw two jerks go at it?

Enjoy your week!

[Amy]

This is awful that someone was so mean to you! I am sending him mad vibes. I know how you feel though. I try to just let it go and think how awful it would be to go through life being a mean person. Hope your day got better! Maybe a replay of Friday Night Lights would make you happy? Or have you read David Nicholls book ONE DAY. That put a smile on my face! Feel better!!

[Dora]

Ugh, that truck driver sounds like a total ass! But glad the restaurant manager came to your rescue. I'm currently trying to hold it together while a few jerks in my apt building are making it difficult for me to buy the larger apt right next to mine. I've lived in the building for 18 years, and they are driving me crazy. At this rate I won't be closing on schedule.

Ummm, and hate to say this, but I agree with your acupuncturist. I think a lot of OB/Gyns muck around with fertility treatments just for the extra money. They really don't have enough knowledge and training for it. And again, hate to say this, but at 38 every month counts.

[Chris]

Crap Sarah that WAS a suck day!

I have to agree with Lauren. Most mean people are just unhappy and want to make everyone around them miserable as well. I used to feel sorry for people like that but after running in to too many of them it just pisses me off now.
Like Lauren said, just let it go. If you let this continue to bother you you are giving him even more power.
If I were you I'd write a scathing note. Not something you'd ever send but just to get it off your chest. Mind you this is just what I'd do.....a note full of nasty attacks on his manhood, many many cuss words that would make a sailor proud etc etc. It should end with a nice big "f-off" to get it out of your system.

Hey 3 follicles is good. Stay positive. I know that's hard to do and you might be sick of hearing it (sorry). It will happen. Unfortunately it just might take some time. Can I say that all this that you are going through WILL be worth it. You'll look back someday when telling someone about your child and you'll think "It was SO worth it and I'd do it all again".

I think your acupuncturist was just trying to be helpful. Just on top of everything else that day it WASN'T helpful.

I hope you feel better soon. I'll pray for this cycle and also that Saturday's altercation does not continue to haunt you.

*BIG HUG*

Chris

[Virgoontherocks.wordpress.com]

I was so sorry to read about your day. It reminded me of a terrible encounter I had with a guy on the El in Chicago. I couldn't understand why he was so mean and why I had to deal with him when I was already feeling pretty lousy.

I think it's okay to be sad and lick your wounds for a while. But don't let today make you doubt yourself or your path. I've often found comfort in reading your blog, partly because I can relate to your story, but mostly because I can tell that you are living authentically. And that's brave. It makes me want to be brave, too.

Here's to a better tomorrow. I know it's coming. The brave are always rewarded.

[jerie b]

hormones. can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. i hope the delivery truck had at least 4 flat tires on saturday afternoon. on the freeway.
karma happens.

[jodie]

So sorry to hear about your bad day - it is absolutely horrible when things like that stay with you. I agree with all the comments about it meaning that you are a good person and I hope you can find a way to let it go and become positive about and send good vibes to the 3 follicles that you have. This is enough of a soul destroying journey as it is. Best wishes to you for a brighter week ahead.

[amy]

I love the comment "The brave are always rewarded." not only are your posts great, Sarah, but you've attracted a fabulous group of followers on this blog! Hope today is better than yesterday! Cheers, Amy

[Terry Craddock]

Sarah,
First let me say that day totaly needed a reset button somewhere. Days like that can be exhausting. I hate it when I get caught in the negative gravitational pull of some nutcase and can't get out! What an asshole. I hope you realize that there are a lot of people out here pulling for you, your blog really helps me & others get our days.
Next, let me say that I happened upon your blog late into your journey toward motherhood. I am an OB/Gyn in another state and the revelation in this entry has floored me! I HIGHLY recommend that you persue a repro/endo specialist. Partly because what is going on in this office does not seem to be working despite several cycles (hopes, dreams and money) and partly because a reproductive/endocrinologist's level of understanding and success rates are much much higher. If you were going to get pregnant with one of us general ob's you would be pregnant it is time to move on. Forget the sense of loyalty or whatever keeps you there and find a specialty clinic with a decent pregnancy/birth rate and get yourself there!
Best of all karma, Terry

[Nayla]

Sarah,
I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. I can't believe that delivery driver invaded your favorite breakfast place. If it were me, I would be suffering from PTSD. I HATE conflict, unless it is in one of your works of art.

Good luck with this cycle. Are you moving forward with an IUI?

[Heather]

Mean people suck. Hormones suck more. I wonder if it would help you to know that these horrible experiences are feelings are being magnified by flailing hormones? It tends to make me feel better, knowing that it's not me going crazy but a biochemical condition that will pass.

Though it doesn't hurt to call the owner of the delivery truck company and share your experience with the employee. It would make me feel better, but you are nicer and more Zen than I.

[Melinda]

Yikes. What a day. First off, big hugs and lots of love, because days like that absolutely suck. Second, if your bad day results in much love and support and potentially helpful advice coming your way, then it at least served a good purpose... Your story of the nasty man's meanness reminded me of a converse way to be: check out Ubuntu at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ubuntu_(philosophy) -- the nutshell of it is a quote from Desmond Tutu, who said that "A person with Ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed... Ubuntu [is] the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality - Ubuntu - you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole world. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity." So... take that, nasty driver man. With lots of ubuntu for you (and perhaps a bit for the driver man as well, in the spirit of hoping he'll do better next time) -- love m.

[Christi]

F-tards like the delivery driver (wow, that's a career to aspire to) aren't worth the effort to spill tears over. Clearly, he's got to be an ass to compensate for everything else that's lacking in his life. I'm sure he wasn't hugged enough as a child.

Hope that you're feeling better, and I certainly hope that this experience hasn't marred your feelings about the restaurant. Great breakfast places are hard to find.

The only thing you should be putting into the oven right now is the occasional Sally Lunn and, err... a bun (maybe two). Sorry. Had to go there. Hope you're feeling better!

[jj]

I think going to an infertility specialist should be your next step. I am pregnant now after 3 rounds of IVF at an infertility clinic. An ob/gyn is no comparison since getting people pregnant is not their specialty. Infertility treatment is insanely expensive so be sure to shop around for meds, try to get samples, and ask for discounts. It's a long, heartbreaking journey and I hope your are eventually successful.

[bedroom furniture]

great man :D