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Wow, I had no idea how much was involved. I did not know about the open-identity option. I guess I've always pretty much thought that most donors are young guys who are healthy with a good medical history and they need a little extra $.
I mean let's face it, when a woman donates eggs it's a little more of a serious thing..hyperovulation and all that etc. A guy at least gets some pleasure out of donating and it only takes a dirty magazine and a few free minutes. ;-)
Seriously though that's a lot to do just to pick one, then you have to pay for it, then you have to USE it. wow.

I was a bit surprised about the "extras". Never even thought about audio or childhood pictures etc etc. Do they ever offer video because I think that would go a long way in helping to chose a donor.

Thanks for sharing all of this!

Take care! Chris

I worked with California Cryobank and just picked my donor a few weeks ago. Before I started the process I thought it would be easier than it was. So many factors--this guy is tall and seemed smart, but my cat could write a better essay; this one is smart and well spoken, but I wish he were a tad taller; this one is tall and smart but looks like Wallace Shawn. I ended up going with smart, well spoken, and wished was slightly taller.....So just had my first IUI with 11947....a leap of faith in all ways. Thanks so much for writing---good to know I'm not alone!

What a crazy, beautiful (in a strange way), empowering (really), amazing process. My friend who just went through this... and is still going through it--she was telling me about it. She said a lot of the same things you did, with something else I thought was interesting. When she had first sifted through all those photos and medical histories, she thought she had narrowed it down to three donors. At some point while trying to make a final decision--and this is me paraphrasing here--it occurred to her that she was looking at the MAN instead of the CHILD in the man. She had dabbled in online dating and was applying the same selection process in this very different situation. She said that once she took the romantic and idealized aspect out of the equation, the selection of her donor became very clear.

She also had very specific wishes regarding the nose of her donor, so that helped.

My friend is moving on to IVF this next week. I'm on call for driving her to and from the clinic and I am just aching for her to conceive. Meanwhile, a mutual friend of ours has gotten accidentally pregnant and I'm twisted in knots over having another one versus my career and why those things seem to be mutually exclusive. This urge, this NEED to carry a child--in its various permutations--is affecting most of the women I know right now.

Funny... I must find a new donor too... It's not nearly as exciting as the first time (I had the Swimmer Party and am actually happy to be able to make a new selection on my own). Good luck on your new search!!!

Hi Sarah, I love your blog and have been following for awhile now. After 6 BFN's, using two different donors, I will probably be moving on to IVF. Now I'll have to go thru the whole sperm selection process a third time! Ughh. I used much the same process as you did, narrowed it down to the top 3 'candidates' and chose the one that just felt right.

The only things I would add to your list are reported pregnancy rates (my first donor only had one reported pregnancy with a release date in 2009 - but i really, really liked him! oh well, lesson learned) and also number of children allowed per donor. Some of the big, flashy banks allow as many as 50 (!), some as low as 5-10.

Best of luck on your next sperm search!

Thank you for sharing that, I can only imagine how tough of a process this is for you.
Your openness and honesty is appreciated. I pray you find another donor that you fall in love with :)

Or, you know, wait until you get a positive ovulation test, put on a little black dress, and go to your favorite bar. Have too much beer, make a bad decision, and ...

Not that I would know anything about that or anything.

Hey, it's cheaper. Until the lawsuit.

I kid. Sortof. Because I can. (Only being disrespectful to myself here.)

Seriously, I like your suggestions about researching and deciding what you're looking for. The Morrissette book talks about deciding whether to do open ID donor. The more informed you are, the better decision you make.

Great post, made me laugh :)
I wrote a blogpost recently about my experiences. Still not made the final decision though!


Reading this REALLY helped me.. Me and my girlfriend want to have a kid but I knew nothing of how this process went so reading this was very insightful. Thank you!

Is it better to choose a donor who has pregnancy confirmations? I'm about to do IUI with SD. Has anyone had an experience? Please share.

So Hopeful

First of all, good luck! I can just give you my personal approach to choosing a donor, and I did consider previous pregnancies. I just wanted to know for sure that the donor's swimmers worked. But it's probably only REALLY a factor for concern if the donor has been around for awhile and there are no pregnancies. Hope that helps!!

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    • L.A. 2009. I’m stuck in traffic on the 101 freeway, listening to Isabella Rosselini on NPR. Isabella, for some reason, mentions that starfish are one of those rare species that can reproduce asexually, and I realize that if I could do that, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a boyfriend/husband. I wouldn’t have to internet date! I wouldn't have to figure out if I want to/can/should have a baby/adopt a baby/child on my own. I wouldn't have to stress about things like FSH levels, or weigh my feelings on in vitro versus adoption. I would just have a baby. Thus began my starfish envy.
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