The Yes Post

Yes.

Why is yes so complicated?  You say it when you don't mean it. You say it because you feel like you have to.  You say it to make someone else happy.  

Sometimes, even when you mean it and want to be saying it, you somehow still know it's not the right thing to do.

I've been thinking about yes since I saw Sarah Brokaw on The View the other day, talking about her new book Fortytude.  

I haven't read the book yet, but Brokaw mentioned that she froze her eggs a few years ago because although she knows she wants to be a mom, she doesn't yet know HOW she wants to become a mom... and she wants the decision to be an authentic one.

Authenticity.

It's a bitch, isn't it?

To make a decision based not on others' thoughts and feelings, not on your own biases or erroneous beliefs, not on the stories you tell yourself, not on things you think you should want or the person you think you should be... but to look through all of the clutter and make a decision that is the right one.  For you.    

For me.

Authentically.

So when I chose YES as the word for the third stone on my ring, what I meant was that when I say yes, I want to mean it.  Wholly and completely and AUTHENTICALLY, in all things... but especially throughout the IVF process.

Doing IVF involves making a lot of decisions.  The first, of course, is to do IVF in the first place.  Then there are all the decisions I make every day in preparation for IVF-- drinking my tea, trying to eat healthy, exercising, taking my vitamins.  And there will be many more decisions to come, not the least of which is how many blastocysts to transfer-- assuming I'm fortunate enough to have several fertilize and grow.

When I make these decisions, I want to be totally sure I'm making the right decisions for me and for my theoretical future child(ren).

Not because I need every decision to be right-- after all, it's not always possible to know when decisions are right and when they're wrong.  

But authentic?  

When you say yes authentically... you know.

Comments

[Stefany]

This is really resonating with me today. The whole authentic, for ME, for the right reasons thing. It's tricky business so I seriously commend you and your resolve!

[jj]

I really like this post. Too often I think of whether my decisions were right or wrong. Sometimes you really don't know until you embark a journey. If I had really thought about parenthood, I probably would not have done it but now I'm so glad that we have children. It's early in the journey but I must say that I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, despite lack of time, stress, worries and lack of sleep.

[d keighley]

I so very much enjoy reading your blog every day. I find myself looking forward to opening my Outlook each morning and seeing that there is a new RSS feed.

Such a great post today. I try to remind myself every day that every decision I make, even something as mundane and insignificant as should I cook or bring dinner in, affects my life. Even if it turns out I've make the "wrong" choice, it really isn't wrong -- it's just different than the other choice, the "right" choice. I believe it was Thomas Edison who, while trying to invent the lightbulb, said, "I didn't fail. I just found 10,000 ways that didn't work". Our choices don't have to be "right" or "wrong", they just have to "be". And, whatever the choice, love it and live it, 110%!

[jerie b]

i cannot imagine a more authentic person that you and i only know you through this blog. if you are anything like me regarding the yesses in life i think you would agree that many times, when asked certain questions, the answer is 'sure' or 'okay' or 'uh-huh'. "do you want to eat here?" sure. "will you go out with a friend of mine?" okay. "do you really want to do such and such?" uh-huh.
but, when asked, "would you move all the way to california to follow your dream?" your answer was "YES". "would you obligate yourself to a mortgage?" "YES". would you help a friend in need? YES. "are you brave enough and have you thought it through this mom thing? YES. 'you would be a single parent, find a donor and go through hell and back?" YES. YES. and HELL YES. when you say 'yes'...i know you mean yes. people can count on your yesses, IMO,your authentic yesses are simply your plain yesses.

[actuary]

I have not read the book. But I looked it up on Amazon.

I have to admit, this part of the Publishers Weekly review gave me pause:

"She profiles American women from different walks of life.....a California ceramics artist is inspired by her daughter to accept her small breast size."

If the author is making a life-changing decision about having a child as a single parent, I find it -- ok, I will use the word "trivializing" -- to include that in the same category a women concerned about, ahem, "small breast size." I had to read it twice to make sure I didn't read it wrong.

I understand that people have all sorts of problems, and that some worry about life-regret stuff like never having a partner or children, and others worry about disability, disease or chronic pain, and still others worry about, well, about "small breast size." And, certainly, inappropriate breast size may be a problem worth worrying about, and something that requires acceptance. I realize that I tend to take many things seriously and not lightly, which is likely a trait of temperament. But my opinion is that, in a book where the author is grappling with a life-altering issue like freezing her eggs to have a child, acceptance of "small breast size" is a tone-deaf problem to include.

Again, I have not read the book. This comment applies only to the one-paragraph review.