Starfish Envy

An Excellent Day

Tonight I'm breaking the "I don't talk about work here" rule to say... we're making a pilot!

Which means it's going to be a very busy, intense, and travel-heavy spring.

Also, fun.

And stressful.

And exhausting.

And creatively stimulating.

And joyful.

And miserable.

And mind-numbing.

And exhilarating.

And about a million other predictably unpredictable things.

There's nothing quite like making a pilot.

I love it.

Of course, I've never done it pregnant before...

One Singular Sensation

Based on everything I know about myself, I thought that if I ever did manage to get pregnant, I would spend my entire pregnancy with knitting needles in my hands.

Turns out I don't know myself that well.

Am I knitting?  

Well, yes.

But not the way I thought I would.

Instead of a long list of blankets and booties and sweaters and hats, and hours pouring over patterns... I'm making one blanket.

One.

Now, it's a doozy of a blanket.  Multiple balls of yarn working at all times, a complicated pattern, twelve different colors... probably the most challenging thing I've ever done, aside from some Fair Isle knitting and the miscellaneous fisherman's sweater.

And it's going to be beautiful.  Something I hope my daughter will be able to save and pass on to her children, the way my step-mom passed the quilt my grandmother made for my father on to me.

I know it doesn't look like much yet... but it's going to be gorgeous, and special, and one of a kind.

Just like Little Girl. 

Tick... Tick... Tick... Seriously?

When WP (that's my writing partner, @elizabethcraft) was pregnant, I swear her belly grew every single day.  

And not just because of the mixed nuts.

It felt (to me, anyway) like her pregnancy zipped along at the speed of light.  One second she was her usual skinny self, the next she had a cute belly, the next a medium sized belly, two seconds later a huge belly, and then boom, there was Jack.

Done.

Lickety split.

My pregnancy, on the other hand, seems to move at the exact speed of chilled molasses.

And while I acknowledge that WP may very well have a different perspective on her pregnancy, I'm pretty sure that the nine months she was pregnant were really more like five, and the nine months I will be pregnant will really be more like fifteen years, thank you very much.

And lest that seem like complaining (which it is, but only a little), please know that I am fine with however long it takes-- in fact, the longer the better-- as long as there is a healthy baby girl waiting for me at the other end.

And let me further explain that my impatience does not come from a place of being uncomfortable or tired of being pregnant.

It comes from a place of wanting MORE.  

I want more belly!  And more kicking!  I want more evidence of BABY COMING SOON!

Believe me, I know that in two months I'm going to look back at this post and want to kick my own ass.

And I also know that in two months I'm going to be wishing this pregnancy could be about six months longer so I'd have more time to prepare...

But right now, I just want to be able to rub my gigantic, round tummy and feel Little Girl doing a full-on body flip. 

And know that I'm going to get to see her soon...

Who's Got A Post-Partum Doula?

I'VE got a post-partum doula!

Two, actually.

One of these two incredible, lovely, compassionate women was highly recommended by a friend, and the other was highly recommended by my midwife... and it just so happens that they work together!

Quite considerate of them, isn't it?

Once Little Girl is born, one of them will cover nights, and the other will cover days-- not full time, but as often as needed over the first few weeks.  Long enough to get Little Girl and I off on the right foot.  They'll help me with breastfeeding and swaddling and all kinds of things I know little or nothing about yet.

Now, to those of you out there in the world, it might seem early to already be booking anyone for anything post-partum.

But this is L.A.  

And the best post-partum doulas book up FAST and EARLY.

My midwife emphasized at my twenty-week appointment last week that I should get started ASAP on collecting recommendations and setting up interviews.  And I definitely did my due diligence collecting recommendations... but I only set up this one interview.

I could tell from everything my friend said that I would like and feel comfortable with the doula who covers days, and I figured if I liked her I would probably like her partner.

I was right!

I met them both for coffee this evening, and felt instantly that I would be comfortable with them in my house, seeing me at what will likely be my most vulnerable, and trusting them with my little baby.

That's a lot to get in an hour.  

But when you know, you know.

And I knew.

Suddenly, I'm feeling a lot less stress about those first few, fragile, exhausting weeks.

Between the doulas, my usual household support team, and my parents-- who will thankfully be coming for a couple of weeks as well-- Little Girl and I should be pretty well taken care of.  

The dogs will get fed and walked, the house will get cleaned, food will be cooked, laundry will get done, the yard will be taken care of, the mail will be brought in... and I'll get to focus exclusively on bonding with Little Girl and enjoying her adorableness with my parents.  

We'll be able to get to know each other without every day stressors and obligations, and with the compassionate support of these two very special women.

I really couldn't be happier.

 

21 Weeks Today!

In the last couple of days, Little Girl has become quite a kicker.  

The barely detectable little flutters of the last few weeks have been replaced by little thwak thwak thwaks, generally aimed at my bladder or belly button.

She seems to be particularly active in the early afternoon and the late evening.  Just as I'm getting ready to climb in bed and sleep, she's gearing up for a round of light calisthenics and stretching.

That's more than 10 inches of baby flip flopping around in there!

Little Girl has got a lot of weight to gain before she's born, but she's already half as long as she's going to be at birth.  Amazing.

And speaking of weight... I'm finally feeling hungry again!  

And I can get through an entire day without a nap!

And since when is chocolate so darn fantastic?!

Oh, and did I mention how CRANKY I get these days?  In general, I'm very happy... and I know the crankiness is hormonal, but it's not particularly charming.

And my belly...

Pretty much just looks like a fat belly.

But it's on the cusp of officially looking pregnant.

I give it another week.

And then I'm going to start wearing belly shirts.

(Not really.) 

 

Little Girl's New Heirloom

Look what was waiting for me when I got home tonight!

A box full of pink styrofoam!  You know that's promising.

And beneath the pink styrofoam was the most beautiful box...

Even more promising.  

And inside the beautiful box...?

This gorgeous quilt, made by hand especially for Little Girl, by an amazingly talented Amish lady.  Notice how the quilting on the yellow boarder is all hearts?  

Slays me.

Yet another example of how thoughtful and generous my wonderful Aunt Gene is.  (THANK YOU, AG.  You'll be hearing from me tomorrow!)

I can't wait until Little Girl is having tummy time on her special quilt and Moose is wondering why I'm such an insane nut about him keeping his dirty paws off, thank you very much.

Then again, this quilt might be more for hanging on the wall...

From The Floor Up

Seriously, guys, I can't believe this keeps happening.  Last week I wrote AND PUBLISHED a post and it totally disappeared.

Tonight, I wrote a fairly long post about the nursery, and it just went WHOOSH into the atmosphere.  

Not f'ing cool.

I can't do it again, so I'm just going to post this picture of the nursery rug, which should be arriving in the next few days.

I know.

Ah. Dorable.

That's My Girl!

Ultrasounds are nothing short of a miracle.

Today, I got to see her fingers and her toes and her tummy and her spine and her brain and her kidneys and the ventricles of her heart.  Her feet are three centimeters long.

She's perfect.

But I already knew that.

Another Banner Day

And AGAIN I lost a post!

Something funky is going on with my internet service, and it keeps going out when I'm almost done writing, and then the page reloads, sans post.  And by then my brain is tired and doesn't want to start all over again.

Really annoying.

Anyway.

What I was trying to tell you is... she kicked!

I was sitting in a movie theater today, watching Gary Oldman be his usual brilliant self in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy... and she kicked!

Not just once, not just twice, but three times!  And then a couple more for good measure.

Apparently, Little Girl likes spy movies.

And popcorn.

It was pretty amazing... and I cannot wait to feel her moving and kicking more and more.

Tomorrow I go in for my twenty week ultrasound (though I'm not officially twenty weeks until Tuesday).  I'm nervous, even though I feel confident that everything will be fine.  

Mostly, though, I'm super excited.  I can't wait to hear her heartbeat again and see her moving around.  And she's big enough now (almost the length of a banana!) that I should be able to really see her.

There were so many times over the last couple of years when I really, really wanted to throw in the towel on this whole trying-to-get-pregant thing.  When I stopped believing.  When everything felt hopeless.

But I kept on going.  I kept moving.

And now I get to feel Little Girl moving in my belly.

Doesn't get much better than that.

The Pregnancy Reading List

So far, anyway...

 

BIRTH-FOCUSED:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin (This is a must-read-- seriously amazing.)

Active Birth, by Janet Balaskas (also great)

Natural Hospital Birth, by Cynthia Gabriel

A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, by Henci Goer

 

GENERAL:

Pregnancy, Childbirth & the Newborn, by Patty Simkin, et al

The Baby Book, by William Sears and Martha Sears (This one's gotta-have.)

Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives, by Deepak Chopra

From the Hips, by Rebecca Odes and Ceridwen Morris

 

FOR A LITTLE HUMOR:

Pregnancy Sucks, by Joanne Kimes

Belly Laughs, by Jenny McMarthy

 

CHILD DEVELOPMENT:

Becoming Attached, by Robert Karen (This book isn't what I was expecting-- it's more a history of attachment theory than a how-to on attachment, but it's riveting.)

 

PARENTING:

Momma Zen, by Karen Maezen Miller (I loved this book-- it's beautiful and inspiring.)

 

I've got a whole stack of books to go, so I'll fill you in as I read...